i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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