I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
