Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
