We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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