Moan for me like Helen Keller
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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