So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
