Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
