He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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