I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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