speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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