I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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