Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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