This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
