I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
