I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
