just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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