Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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