Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
