I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
