Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
