when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
