So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
