Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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