i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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