Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
