My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
