I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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