ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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