I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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