im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
