the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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