even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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