one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
