Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
