dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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