I'm jealous of your bromance
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I look better un-naked...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm always down for nudity.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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