i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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