And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
