You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
