I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Come share oat with me in your robe
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
