I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
