After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
