You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
