I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Enjoy the penises
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
