Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
