I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
