yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
