He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
