Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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