Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
