When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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