You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
